Not my own...

Tonight at church Jake and Lauren were dedicated. The service was so sweet. I kept it all together until the song "Cinderella" was sung, knowing that in the blink of an eye, at the strike of midnight, my children will be grown and gone. This is such a hard concept for me to accept...that these are really God's children that I am entrusted to raise. That these sweet, precious babies that I carried right underneath my heart for 9 months will eventually grow up and move off and make families of their own. The babies that I felt kick and hiccup while in the womb, will have careers of their own, ideas of their own. The babies I was cut open for, that I have scars from, will one day face their own challenges, their own evils, and the evils of the world. The babies I held so dear and rocked for hours, will have to learn to make their own way in the world. As a Christian parent, I just pray they choose to do all these things seeking the guidance of God, with the faith of a mustard seed, with compassion for others, never losing sight of where they came from or who they are. I pray for my children to be true to their beliefs, their morals, to never compromise their values. I pray that my children show mercy, kindness and forgiveness to others. As I sit here and write this, I want to be so selfish. I want them to stay small, to stay mine, to never leave. The tears swell up as I know that time is the enemy. That it is only a matter of time (and how quickly that will go) that they will sprout their own wings and fly. I hope I give them the tools they need to be prepared. That, by my example, I will show them how to live a life for Christ, a life that can only be fulfilled, not by material goods, but by the joy that eternal life brings. I pray I am the kind of mother whom my children can trust, can come to in times of need, in tmes of sorrow and in moments of joy. There is nothing I would not do for my babies, and yes, they will always be my babies.

I love you Jakob Owen. I pray you are the kind of man who is humble, fair and just, slow to judge and quick to forgive. I hope you find great success in anything and all you do, no matter what that may be, and face your fears boldly. You are already such a loving boy, I know you will make a wonderful husband and father one day.
I love you Lauren Ashley. I pray you are the kind of woman who seeks out the good in everyone. I pray that you love whole-heartedly, live transparently, and feel with sincerity. You are such a stong-willed little girl, I know you will not only chase your dreams, you will catch them. You will make a great wife and protector of your own children one day.

Thank you Heavenly Father for granting me the desires of my heart to be a mother. I am so in love with my children. I promise them I will live a life that reflects the Lord that lives in me, that I will not expect anything from them, that I cannot do my self. When the day, the moment, comes that I must let go, give me strength and give them courage. Thank you, Lord, for Jake and Lauren.